Have you ever…?….

Have you ever had your heel break 10 minutes into the day and have to go the entire work day barefoot?

Have you ever ran into your boss in the grocery store, while in you pajamas, slippers, hair everywhere, no make up, just rolled out of bed in all your morning glory?

Ever nearly followed a coworker into the men’s bathroom?

Ever sat behind a parked car (thinking you were in traffic) and after 20 minutes realize you were the one stopping traffic, causing a one mile backup?

Ever stood up on an airplane and not realize that you are looking at a man and proclaim “man, I really have to pee.’

Ever fallen down a flight of stairs holding your laundry and have your pink underwear land on a boys feet, and you on your back next to him?

Ever simultaneously have a sling and eye patch, and become known around campus for “the girl with the sling and eye patch” and walk into class and have the professor pray for you and those in “not such obvious pain”?

Ever have a video on you tube of you falling on your face?

Ever walk past a first floor window, see a hot boy, and proclaim “ooh he’s cute,” and a second later realize his window is wide open and he is staring at you?

Ever run into a clear glass door in front of a crowd of people?

Ever get a bloody nose in Macy’s, run through the store with your friend, and later have someone ask her if “her husband is okay?’

Ever fall asleep standing up in a crowd?

Ever walk into class (the wrong class) after surgery and stand in the middle of the room proclaiming “I don’t know where I am suppose to be?”

Ever dump a 24 pack of diet coke down a very large hill, exploding every single can?

Ever think it would be fun to talk with a British accent, and then have the Subway man talk back to you in the same accent (mocking you) ?

Ever get pulled over after moving 3 days ago, be in hysterics, not know your address (b/c it’s new) and have a cop assume you are drunk and make you do sobriety tests?

Ever go to school on “birthday party day” wearing a giant moving box dressed like a present (and then realize years later how big of a dork you really were?

Ever slow dance with a boy and half way through have him wisper “I’m suppose to lead?”

Ever think it would be cool to get a spray tan, only to realize later (at your gymnastics competition) that you forgot to stand on a towel and have bright orange feet that can be seen from the lose bleed section?

Ever fallen on your face in front of hundreds of people and hear them all go “awwww,” and then in the same routine do it again, and again?

Ever chase your friend’s car through a 4 tier parking garage trying to catch her instead of picking up the phone and call her?

Ever get locked in a bathroom stall in a forgein country, yell for you friend Beth, and have a man walk in and say in his accent “no, not Beth, this is Bernard”

Ever overflowed a toilet while a guest in a house and have it leak from the top floor, through the ceiling, into the bottom floor…only to put too much soap in the dishwasher the next day and bubble-ize the kitchen?

I HAVE…my life is awkward. I hope you enjoyed laughing at it.

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