this is why I have arthritis at 23
So…this video is accurate, funny, and also a great explanation for the amount of screws that are in my body and why I feel like I am 80. These are “normal” crashes in gymnastics… But on the bright side…it’s extremely funny to watch. Gymnastics is ackward. For a bigger laugh turn the volume up for the first video.
Uncertain New Life
Life is crazy, God is good, and I am bouncing between being okay with that and fighting it. God has provided absoultely everything I could have asked for and more, but I fight it everyday.
I am back in Seattle, at the place I love, living with the most wonderful friends, I have THE BEST job, and literally everything I could have asked for. I am in a great place, and life is good. BUT, I feel like I have a huge hole in my life. Gymnastics is missing. As I continue to transition and move past the sport I am reminded daily of it. Partially because every new person I meet or person I know knows me for the sport first, and me as a person second. That may not be true in their mind, but it is, and always has been, the first thing people notice about me. It’s not bad, it is a HUGE part of me, and I am extremely proud of it, but, it’s a strange place to be, especially right now as I struggle to do everything I can to not feel lost without that part of me.
I can fill an entire day with work and working out, enjoying friends, and it still feels like something is missing. In the same breath I am happy and sad. I still have not found how to close the door on 19 years when it was my ENTIRE life. It wasn’t just something I did, it was ALL I did. I knew the ups and downs in the sport were at times unbearable, but the hardest part of the sport has been letting go of it, and allowing myself to finally LIVE.
I know God has brought me back to Seattle for a reason, and has placed so many new people and challenges in my life. I pray that these new experiences will help me grow into a fuller person, not just the gymnast. I don’t want to ever lose what gymnastics has taught me or the memories that bring both smiles and tears, but I do want to be okay not having it consume everyday of my life and allow God to bring new things into my life, and for Him to use me.
Today in church the pator talked about using our talents to bless the world, and do good. I sat and thought, what on earth am I talented at that doesn’t involve gymnastics or athletics? I don’t know, I’ve never really allowed my mind to open to find out. What a wonderful time to find out. He also said that the only way to know is to try…so, here we go….in this new year, and what seems like a COMPLETELY new, scary, wonderful new life I am going to try, probably fail, and try again to find what else God has blessed me with and how it can be used to do good in the world.
A mass casualty and a terrible loss.
My roomate Kristen and I went to Safeway, for the sole purpose of buying my staple, DIET COKE. Now, I have about 30 dollars to my name right now, and was on E for gas, so driving to the store was really pushing it. I used the .0000025 gallons I had left in my car, and spent 8 or the 30 dollars I had on my precious Diet Coke, knowing it would get me through until I get paid in a couple weeks. i knew I was pushing my budget, but also knew that that Diet Coke would get me through the day. It was a 24 pack, which I rarely buy, and name brand, which was a treat on my current money-less state. The entire way home from the store Kristen and I prayed my car would have enough gas to get to the gas station, where I put 5 dollars and ten cents in (purely so it would start the next time I got in it) and drove home scratching the “instant win” cards from Shell. (20 cards, 0 wins.)
We live on Seattle’s largest hill, Barrett, at the steepest point. After parking we go to my trunk,(which swings open) and before my eyes my beautiful Diet Coke drops out of the trunk and onto the street. As I watch in horror my life savings drops out of my car and explodes, rolling down Barrett, one Diet Coke can at a time.
24 WONDEROUS CANS, ALL THE WAY DOWN BARRETT. (sorry to the parked cars that have a sticky mist on them)
Kristen falls to the ground in laughter, and I sit in the middle of the street, unsure of whether to cry or laugh, but typical, am laughing hysterically, the only thing I can think of is ‘I can’t afford to replace that.”
After cleaning up the mass casualty I am now coming to terms with the loss I have experienced. I shall wear black tomorrow.
Here is one picture, the rest can be seen on facebook.
Grieving
so many memories!
Putting this scrapbook together is in a lot of ways a way to summarize and close out my career. Today I finished going through all of the boxes from storage and my room. I took put away all of my medals, leotards, and finally unpacked my competition bag from Nationals (which was in April! it took me awhile) In doing that I found my very first gymnatsics medal, and I could remember the moment like I was still there. It was a starnge mental flashback I had as I put each medal away and could remember the competition and moments I recieved it. Some of them are from 11 or more years ago…I know I will remember those moments the rest of my life. I found old pairs of grips, I only kept three out of my dozens of pairs..I found one that I had swung on the bars until it riped in half.
I opened the bag I kept my grips in since I was ten years old..the bag itlself is full of holes, rather pathetic. I folded it up and put it in a rubbermaid to keep under my bed. It was strange, for the first time in 11 years the bag is empty and put away. When cleaning out that bag I had three things that I carried with me in every practice and every competition: a keychain from my mom, a spork (yes a spork) that my older brother gave me for luck before leaving for a Regional competition when I was 13, and an angel that on of my coaches in California gave me to protect me in my last season of gymnastics. I think i will continue to carry those with me. Going through this bag brought back so many memories, reminded me of the people that helped me get where I am, and reminded me of the hundred of practices and competitions I experienced.
Lastly, I pulled out my grips that I wore in my last compeition season. They are still molded in the shape of my hands from the last time I wore them: competing for SPU at Nationals this year. In about 2 hours I went through 19 years of memories. It was a crazy rush of emotions, all of it seems like another life.
While I eventually had to go through all of these things and condense them the main purpose of putting my scrapbook together is to highlight my accomplishments. So many former gymnasts I know only remember the ways they failed in the sport, which is where I ended my career..thinking of the one step I made on a landing, or what I wish I would have done differently. While right now it’s difficult to see, I want to be able to look at what I DID accomplish.
I have a long way to go, but it’s a start. Putting 19 years into one scrapbook…that’s my latest challenge.
naked little boys
After spending a week coaching gymnasts that ranged from 2-5 years old, I am exhausted. I love kids, they have so much energy…and usually so do I….but….I am not sure I was prepared for BOY energy. Let me direct you to Thursday…which is slip N slide day at camp. (They build and indoor slip n slide inside the gym…the kids are giddy all day long)
So, with my group of 4 year old boys here is the series of events…all of them get their swimsuits on and we get to the slip n slide. Sometime during the sliding a little boy starts to chant my name, and pretty soon I have 20 kids chanting for me to go on the slide. (I am not in a swim suit), so, without wanting to let down my little guys, I slide. But, because I can’t crash on my hand I am careful to go onto my knees. I had never been on this slide before and judging by how fast the little ones went I figured it wasn’t super slippery. WRONG. Apparently they just suck at sliding because my graceful knee sliding quicky turned into face plant, full of water and completely soaked for the rest of the day. cool.
Next little guy number one comes up holding himself (oh boys) saying he has to go potty. I send him off and look over at him as he is running to the bathroom. He has his pants halfway down. I holler at him to keep his pants on until he gets to the bathroom, so he pulls them up, but managed to whip IT out and hold it out in the open all the way to the bathroom. what in the world! Put that dang thing away child!
After slip n slide I very cleary instruct the boys to walk to the bathroom and get changed IN THE BATHROOM. nope. within 2 seconds “elephant” has his pants at his ankles and the others aren’t far behind. So we have naked little boys in from of parents and little girls and me…desperately trying to get them to put their clothes back on. What ended up happening was a train of little boys, me trying to cover them with a towel as they walked naked to the bathroom with their swimsuits at their ankles. It was a learning experience for all of us.
Along with learning to manage little boys I am becoming proficient at one armed handstands, and increasingly frustarted with being “Nemo”…(one broken fin)…itleast it’s a “lucky fin” right? ahhh.
4 years olds + 4 inch balance beams + 5.4 earthquake= excitment!
I offiically expereinced my first real earthquake yesterday…I kinda thought it was fun. 
however, the timing was a bit off….I was coaching 4 and 5 year olds on 4 inch wide beams when suddenly a 5.4 earthquake hits. First, it was obivously their first earthquake so they freak, but it’s mine too…clearly I don’t know what to do. Then you add that they are 4 years old, and the small detail of being on a balance beam, which is hard enough to stay on without the world wobbling. This equals..EXCITMENT! Overall…not much damage, some things broke in our house and cells phones were out, but nothing extreme, apparenlty the biggest one since the one in 94…so it was legit. Apparenlty, the “big one” is coming…http://news.yahoo.com/s/afp/20080730/sc_afp/usquakecalifornia_080730083153
Speaking of the 4 year olds…this week I have boys…one which refused to tell us his name. He was first “elephant” then “lion” then “wj” (we later found out his real name is Matt) Elephant is a speical kid…I say that with a high emphasis on special, as in, he gives me a headache. One minute he is doing rolls the next he is no where in site. Literally, the kid should go into magic because he has an amazing ability to dissappear for long periods of time. Not only that, he has quite a talent of tuning out any form of instruction. like I said…SPECIAL. In addition to elephant I have the boy who cries over EVERYTHING…ie…water from the drinking fountain dripped on his chin =tears. seriously? we’re crying over this? I also have the boys who like to tackle me…which we learned today that unfortunately 4 year olds like to tackle and pull down pants…yea….and then we have the one seemingly normal kid, but it’s only Weds. and I am sure he can find a way to excede my expectations of him.
It is official…I am a lab rat.
I decided to sacrafice myself for the goods of science…participating in a research study on sleep deprevatino and moods, blood chemicals, etc….so…I am currently staying overnight in the sleep center of a hospital…without caffeine and trying to stay awake…with hawks watching me. It’s kinda fun. I spent the entire day doing random tests on who knows what…colors, numbers…speaking….basically to test my mental state…and they took blood a couple times. Then, is stay up all night with some tests in between and do it all again tomorrow. The pay off????? 300 bucks and a random experience. sweet. It really wouldn’t be too bad if I could have caffiene….yea no diet coke for 3 days…TORTURE!!!
lately I have gotten the feeling that God is trying to teach me patience, and to trust. I am in the most uncomfortable position for me…not in control, don’t know what I am doing next year, and WAITING on answers and jobs and such. All three of those things I suck at…which is exactly why I need to do it. Each day I have to remind myself that God is faithful and He has never lead me somewhere that wasn’t right. It seems easy, but it’s so hard to live out.
I’m giving you my heart and all that it within I lay it all down for the sake of you my king. I’m giving you my dreams, I’m laying down my rights I’m giving up my pride for the promise of new life.
And I surrender all to You, all to You I’m singing you this song, I’m waiting at the cross and all the wrold holds dear, I count it all as loss for the sake of knowing Your for the glory of Your name to know the lasting joy, even sharing in Your pain
SURRENDER-Marc James
never gonna feel like that again
I’m starting a little blog project…we’ll see how long it lasts 
I’m going to try to relate songs to whatever I am blogging about, or find a song that’s in my head or speaks to what I am thinking about that day. :0) We’ll give it a go!
Friday night butterflies
Like clockwork they’d arrive
A little chill and the October sky
Nervous till the kickoff game
4 quarters win or lose
Spent Saturdays black and blue
But it was what I love to do
And it was more than just a game
It was my life and it was fun
Another season of my life is done
Another race I’m glad I got to run
Another chapter in my life its over
No I’m never gonna feel like that again
Times rushin by me like the wind
Never be as young as I was then
No I’m never gonna feel like that again
-Kenney Chesney
life in relation to FRIENDS
Lately I have been stressing because I don’t know what I want to do with my life, where I am going, and what to do next. Same as probably everyone else my age. Last night my mom and I were watching FRIENDS…(I am making my parents watch from season one with me) So we got to an episode that completely related to my life. (Now I know FRIENDS can always relate to life..but this one is good)
In the episode Rachel is freaking out because she is just a waitress and doesn’t know where her life is going. Her, Phoebe, and Monica decide to have a girls night, make margaritas, eat cookie dough and try to cheer Rachel up. Rachel asks how they know it’s going to be okay and they respond saying it’s like Jack in the Bean Stalk…he traded his cow for magic beans. (Rachel gave up her old life to live on her own and be a waitress). They try to re-assure Rachel that if she just keeps plugging along things have to fall into place. Later in the episode they all end up depresed because they are stuck on the
“but what if it DOESN’T fall into place” question.
At the end of the episode they hadn’t anwered the question, but were all sitting laughing, and enjoying the company of great friends. Rachel proclaims…. “I have everything I need”…she felt reassured that it would be okay, she had her magic beans, and in the mean time, she had all she needed in the people she loved.
SEE…FRIENDS REALLY DOES RELATE TO LIFE
4th of July
My cousins from Arizona came over, it had been two years since we had seen each other, after growing up a few streets away and going to high school together it borders on illegal to have not seen each other for that long. We have now made an oath to never allow this much time to pass again.
We spent the 4th at Laguna Beach, which was probably the only beach we could set foot on because everyone in California and any neighboring state and then some was on the beach that day. Who could blame them…you can sit in the sun all day, surf, look at hot life guards, have a bondfire, and then see fireworks set off from the beach. After getting thoroughly burned, despite endless sunscreen applying, we spent the evening watching FRIENDS. what is better, seriously.
We spent the next day at the happiest, and my favorite place on earth…DISNEYLAND! Now, this visit was very special, because in all of my visits to Disney, I had never seen MICKEY. This time, I got to hang out with both Minnie and MIckey…my childhood dreams have been fulfilled. I must also take a moment to make fun of my little sister, who since the age of 7 has been TERRIFED of any creature in costume. Her initial fear was legit…we were stalked through the mall by a GIANT EASTER BUNNY..which, first of all, bunnies are only suppose to walk on four legs, not two…and second…100% creepy. SInce that day she has refused to go near anything in costume…no Santa…mascots..holiday creatures…or Disney characters. So, the picture with Mickey and Minnie was also memorable because of her immense fear while taking the picture…and…as mickey gave us all a hug she ran away. I love my sister. And MIckey.
Aside from continusouly living the California dream and pretending I am a tourist ( ; ) ) I have been hopelessly searching for a job. Literally….NO ONE is hiring for summer work. NO ONE. I do have the gymnastics camps…but, I admit, part of me was wanting to experience something a little different…but…I guess with that I have 19 years experience…with everything else I have, well, not much oh geez.
